is a fundraiser for him<\/a> and a lot of people rallied around him. He\u2019s a selfless person so part of him is uncomfortable with the whole thing. If someone wants to feel like, \u201cBut I\u2019m sure there is someone who needs it more,\u201d of course. There always is. But this is someone who needs it and if you want to be a part of it, then great. I urge him to not feel guilty.<\/p>\n\n\tRight now, there\u2019s a bit of the Life is Beautiful <\/em>thing where when my kids walk in, I say, \u201cGuess what? We\u2019re going on a road trip and it\u2019s going to be fun!\u201d I can\u2019t put that on them. Our oldest is almost four and he\u2019s aware of what\u2019s happening but I try to keep reminding him that his school and our house is there. We try to shield things from them but sometimes you just can\u2019t. Sometimes I\u2019m hit hard with tears from memories: That one restaurant, or the house with Christmas decorations that made my kids flip out [and now] that house burned down. Right now, I love this place more than ever. I\u2019m more committed than ever.<\/p>\n\n\tI\u2019m definitely sitting in a privileged position of having a home to return to but I do feel like it\u2019s so easy to see that temptation to fall into some new default mode of permanent depression or defeat or fear. It\u2019s easy to see how someone gets embittered or broken and stays that way. But, mostly for my kids, I have to use this to make me better instead of worse to the extent that I am able. This is a gnarly tragedy and there\u2019s no two ways around it. The amount of loss and harm and pain is unthinkable and unfathomable and unforgivable on a cosmic level. But at the same time, I just have to figure out a way to not let it suck me into the vortex.<\/p>\n
\n\tIt\u2019s definitely weird to have people, even family, who lost their homes and you didn\u2019t. It\u2019s a very complicated, strange emotion. I would give anything to have it be Griff\u2019s house that is still standing and not mine.\u00a0<\/p>\n
\n\tOne thing I\u2019ve felt in the past with fires where everybody was getting calls where it was like, \u201cThe news makes it seem like all of California is up in smoke.\u201d And everybody here would be like, \u201cYeah, it\u2019s bad, but it\u2019s not what the news makes you think it is.\u201d This is different. However bad they\u2019re making you feel, that\u2019s how bad it feels for us, too. If people are wondering, \u201cIs it really as bad as it looks?,\u201d it is.\u00a0<\/p>\n
\n\t<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u201cToday, there were tanks and military and they were like, \u2018Nobody is going up. This is now a crime scene.’\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
\n\tI don\u2019t expect the whole world to stop and pay close attention to what\u2019s going on here. The world is set up in a strange way where we\u2019re forced to care about stuff that is so far. Of course I appreciate people\u2019s compassion and regard. But I do hope people also enjoy their day. Go to a nice meal and be like, \u201cWe\u2019re so lucky to have this.\u201d If you want to find some heartache, draw a bigger circle. If you want to draw some gratitude, draw a smaller one. I appreciate everyone paying attention and reaching out but I also hope if anyone is in a position to go find some joy I hope that they can do so.\u00a0<\/p>\n
\n\tI\u2019ve gone back to our house every day, but today there is no going up. Yesterday we were able to park at a street called Woodbury and then walk up to your house if you lived in the area. Today, there were tanks and military and they were like, \u201cNobody is going up. This is now a crime scene.\u201d There are missing people and they have to check house by house for remains. Until they can do all that, nobody is allowed to walk up and down. I have no idea when anybody can get back up to our neighborhood.\u00a0<\/p>\n
\n\tPeople are so determined to fight for this city. I was so scared of that at first. I was so scared people will think this is insurmountable, but as of right now, a lot of people refuse to live in that space. That\u2019s really beautiful, because I do think if we collectively walk away, it\u2019s going to make it hurt longer, or permanently. This is a moment where we can overcome something and are able to withstand it and are able to believe in our community enough to not give up on it. I just feel like, even if there\u2019s a certain amount of logic to being like, \u201cHow can we trust this area, ecologically, again?\u201d I still think walking away is just giving up on it. What\u2019s more brave than standing by your neighborhood and community and saying, \u201cYes, the risks are obviously here, but how do we meet the risks and stick by each other?\u201d The love is crazy. Hopefully that\u2019s enough to carry us over.\u00a0<\/p>\n
\n\tThere\u2019s a restaurant burning and the guy who owns it is like, \u201cI\u2019m going to do the best soup kitchen anyone\u2019s ever seen.\u201d Our buddy who runs a pizza place, he\u2019s already thinking of ways to put on shows to support the community and help build stuff back. I know that John C. Reilly is championing the local Waldorf school and figuring out ways he can spearhead a rebuild. It\u2019s inspiring to see this stuff. You\u2019re waiting on cues from others. When we visited our house and saw that the main house was there, it felt like a gift, and maybe a sign. We feel like we belong here.\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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