Swag And It\u2019s Completely Different And Not Very Good But Also Still Swag<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\tThe first one was a deeply weird personal statement, from an artist going through six kinds of it. But Swag II<\/em> is everything the original wasn\u2019t: slick, anonymous, half-assed, playing depressingly safe. Out of 23 songs, there\u2019s maybe 5 or 6 keepers, buried in way too many duds that drag on forever at 3 minutes. Who knows \u2014 maybe Swag 3 <\/em>will be the remix album where God joins him for a surprise Lorde-style duet on \u201cStory of God.\u201d (\u201cNo no, Justin\u2014YOUR voice is the foundation of everything!\u201d)<\/p>\n\n\tBieber just announced Swag II <\/em>yesterday, promising it would drop at midnight. Except it ended up getting delayed for four hours \u2014 so it\u2019s intriguing to guess which last-minute details Bieber was still working out at deadline time. Maybe he spent the extra hours trying to think up rhymes for \u201cYou look so good\u201d? If so, what he came up with was \u201cIf you gave me the rights, you know I would.\u201d (So probably not.)<\/p>\n\n\tSwag II<\/em> the kind of sequel that just reminds you how great the first one was. On the surface, it sounds like the same formula, with a loose groove between R&B and indie rock. He brings back the same collaborators \u2014 Carter Lang, Dijon, Mk.gee \u2014 and even two of the same duet partners, Lil B and Eddie Benjamin. The guests include Nigerian Afrobeats star Tems, London indie songwriter Bakar, 2000s Louisiana rapper Hurricane Chris. But it\u2019s a whole lotta less of the same. There aren\u2019t even any therapy sessions with Druski \u2014 you keep hoping he\u2019ll show up to offer Justin one of his Black and Milds.<\/p>\n\n\n
\t\tEditor\u2019s picks<\/p>\n<\/h2>\n<\/section>\n
\n\tSwag II<\/em> is deep in his Nineties R&B bag, but with a fatal lack of melodies, giving his voice nothing to do. The producers don\u2019t put out like last time, so the whole thing sounds totally generic. When it\u2019s bad, Swag II<\/em> sinks into self-parody, as in \u201cNeed It,\u201d \u201cSpeed Demon,\u201d or \u201cI Think You\u2019re Special,\u201d where Tems is completely wasted. As on the first album, Lil B appears in an uplifting moment, \u201cSafe Space.\u201d Yet this time he doesn\u2019t give the Based God any room to say anything, beyond a few hype-man hollers. The occasional squeak of guitar strings is an old cliche of folkie authenticity, but in songs like \u201cMother In You,\u201d it sounds like the acoustic guitar is just there to cram in as many intentional squeaks as possible, which feels phony.<\/p>\n\n\tBut there are a few worthy tunes that live up to the original\u2019s adventurous spirit. \u201cLove Song\u201d is clearly the peak, with a distorted piano loop \u2014 the one moment here where Mk.gee steps out. Bieber turns on the charm, crooning, \u201cI wanna write you a love song, baby\/I wanna write a good one you can\u2019t stop singing to me.\u201d He cruises around with the top down, as his lover\u2019s hair whips in the wind, serenading her with poetic images like \u201cAn aesthetic happening on the radio station\/Your eyebrows down in contemplation.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n
\n\t\u201cWitchya\u201d flows on another breezy groove, with hippie-country guitar twang. In \u201cMoving Fast,\u201d Bieber testifies about his struggles over blues guitar (\u201cI was speeding towards the fall, I was 25\u201d), until a disco drum loop kicks in. \u201cEverything Hallelujah\u201d is the flip side \u2014 stripped-down Bieber gospel-soul, with shout-outs to his wife Hailey, his son Jack, his parents, and his dogs. (\u201cOscar, Piggy, hallelujah!\u201d)\u00a0<\/p>\n
\n\t\u201cEar Candy\u201d is a clever mix of Nineties Britpop shimmer and Eighties beatbox rap. But it\u2019s also got the album\u2019s most humiliatingly awful moment when Bieber sings, \u201cYou could spread your wings and open up,\u201d which is straight from the Rod Stewart school of ornithology metaphors.<\/p>\n\n\n
\t\tRelated Content<\/p>\n<\/h2>\n<\/section>\n
\n\tThe nadir might be \u201cPetting Zoo,\u201d an utterly blah guitar loop where Bieber vents about marital conflict without any hint of the real-life emotional turmoil he\u2019s already bared in public. It sounds like one of his dodgiest social-media rants. \u201cI told you that you fighting with a man!,\u201d Bieb informs the lucky lady. \u201cI told you I don\u2019t play that shit, no cap \/ Bitch, I told you I ain\u2019t doing tit-for-tat.\u201d (At least it would be kinda funny if the rhyming line was \u201cMother\u2019s Day sucks ass.\u201d)<\/p>\n
\n\tBut then there\u2019s \u201cStory of God,\u201d easily the most bizarre moment in a discography full of bizarre. Bieber goes off the deep end with an eight-minute spoken-word sermon about the Bible story of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. He\u2019s always been fond of ending his albums with overbaked religious fluff, but wow. Over church organ, Bieber explains how awesome it was living in Eden. \u201cThere was no fear here\u2014fear hadn\u2019t even been INVENTED yet!\u201d But wait, there\u2019s more: \u201cIt\u2019s a feast, right? Everywhere you look, taste the explosion in your mouth!\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n
\t\tTrending Stories<\/p>\n<\/h2>\n<\/section>\n
\n\tSpoiler: there\u2019s a snake, so things don\u2019t end well for Adam and Eve. \u201cWe lost paradise,\u201d Bieber laments at the end. \u201cWe lost an unbroken connection. We broke the world.\u201d Jeepers creepers, so to speak. If you hear \u201cStory of God\u201d this weekend, it means you\u2019ve stayed at the party too long and your host is going nuclear to drive the damn guests out the door. But what the hell \u2014 you have to admire the chutzpah of this thing. On an album where he\u2019s playing it dismally safe, it\u2019s far better to hear him drop a totally unhinged monstrosity on this scale. It would have been even cooler if he\u2019d brought back Druski to play the role of God. But you can\u2019t accuse him of half-assing it, and there\u2019s real emotion in his voice, more than you can say for \u201cForgiveness\u201d or \u201cPray.\u201d Remixers, get busy on this one.<\/p>\n
\n\tSwag II<\/em> doesn\u2019t kill the buzz of the original, which still sounds great. Rather, the failures here just highlight everything that makes Swag<\/em> sound so fresh and off-the-wall. Will Bieber stretch it out into a trilogy with Swag 3: I\u2019m Still Standing on Business, Yeah Yeah Yeah<\/em>? Don\u2019t put it past him. But either way, Swag II <\/em>already sounds like a minor footnote.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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