\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div> \n\t\u201cYou\u2019re fucking insane. You know that, right?\u201d he said, but he couldn\u2019t keep his grin off his face.<\/p>\n \t\tRelated Content<\/p>\n<\/h2>\n<\/section>\n \n\t\u201cOh, I know,\u201d I said, turning the key.<\/p>\n \n\tBy the morning, he was mine.<\/p>\n \n\tPaulie knew I was in the lifestyle from the get-go \u2014 there was no hiding that I had clients and sugar daddies paying my bills. And he showed up anyway and stuck around. I gave him the keys to my palace \u2014 and from that first night, we were inseparable.<\/p>\n \n\tI don\u2019t know how many men\u2019s rap careers I\u2019ve tried to get off the ground, and Paulie wasn\u2019t any different. He really could have been something with the right mix of help, support, and motivation. I was ready to do all three. I wanted to make him a better person \u2014 because honestly, Paulie was the first man I really, truly loved. We laughed, cried, and argued, but we were best friends through it all.<\/p>\n \n\tTrue love or not, we were still toxic. We drank ourselves silly. He was on pills. I was on pills, chasing the sweet calm of my Xanax and trying to outrun the panic when they wore off. And we didn\u2019t fight a ton, but when we did, it was bad. He\u2019d get in his feelings and wouldn\u2019t come out of them for days \u2014 and then things would blow up. And I was so cold. It was my way or the highway. No meeting in the middle for me.<\/p>\n \n\tTo this day, Paulie will tell you that whatever he wanted in this life, I would have made it happen. I was always pushing him to be better and to get out of his comfort zone \u2014 because the only way that man\u2019s dreams were going to come true was if he fucking grew up. I would have done anything to make him realize his worth. But in a way, maybe that\u2019s my downfall, because I\u2019d never really realized mine. So that\u2019s my gift to people: try to show them what no one ever did for me. The way I saw it then, I did<\/em> anything to try not to have another failed relationship. I truly just wanted a teammate to build with. I was tired of partying. The late nights. The drugs, even if I wasn\u2019t yet clean. Even if I was so far from being healed enough to shake off the coldness, the need to control everything.<\/p>\n \n\tAt one point, Paulie got it together enough to get trained and certified to be a bail enforcement agent. It\u2019s a dangerous job, and he\u2019d have to get suited up in a bulletproof vest before he went out on calls. But I knew if I wanted him to stick with it, I\u2019d have to encourage him and engage with the job as much as I could to keep him going. So we came up with the idea to use me as bait when he was after someone who did something particularly horrible, especially to women or little girls.<\/p>\n \n\tOnce, Paulie was trying to track down a dude who\u2019d jumped bail on some pretty heinous rape charges, and so I made a fake Instagram account and messaged him. Hook, line, and sinker \u2014 he wanted to meet up for a date.<\/p>\n \t\tTrending Stories<\/p>\n<\/h2>\n<\/section>\n \n\tI showed up at the bar we\u2019d agreed on \u2014 no bulletproof vest or gun for me, just my usual high heels and miniskirt. But before he could get near me, Paulie and his partner jumped out of his truck screaming like psychopaths for the loser to get on the ground. They arrested him, and I went inside and got myself a drink.<\/p>\n\n
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