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Even the best classic-rock lyrics<\/a> don’t necessarily bear stand-alone scrutiny. Rock critic Robert Chrisgau memorably noted<\/a> that Bob Dylan<\/a>‘s “My Back Pages” was “a bad poem. But it is a good song, supported by a memorable refrain.”<\/p>\n Unfortunately, even Dylan has a bad day<\/a>. He’s not alone in that, as some of the genre’s biggest names find a home on our list of Classic Rock’s 20 Worst Lyrics. Some are bad poetry, while others spark head-scratching confusion. Still others are just plain wrong.<\/p>\n Of course, bad lines are sometimes deliberately included, as with Alice Cooper<\/a> in “School’s Out”: “We got no principles; we ain’t got no innocence. We can’t even think of a word that rhymes<\/em>.” We’ve left those aside in favor of far more dubious entries in a countdown of Classic Rock’s 20 Worst Lyrics. From: Women and Children First<\/a><\/em> (1980)<\/p>\n The lyric:<\/strong> “Ya take a moople-ah, wookie pah-a moopie<\/em>,” maybe? \u00a0<\/p>\n From: Flesh & Blood<\/a><\/em> (1990)<\/p>\n The lyric:<\/strong> “Unskinny bop bop bop bop, she just loves to play \u2013 unskinny bop, nothin’ more to say<\/em>.” \u00a0<\/p>\n From: The Piper at the Gates of Dawn<\/a><\/em> (1967)<\/p>\n The lyric:<\/strong> “I know a mouse and he hasn’t got a house. I don’t know why I call him Gerald<\/em>.” \u00a0<\/p>\n From: Machine Head<\/a><\/em> (1972)<\/p>\n The lyric:<\/strong> “She’s got everything \u2013 like a moving mouth, body control and everything<\/em>.” \u00a0<\/p>\n From: Three Lock Box<\/a><\/em> (1982)<\/p>\n The lyric:<\/strong> “Hot, sweet cherries on the vine<\/em>.” \u00a0<\/p>\n From: Caress of Steel<\/a><\/em> (1975)<\/p>\n The lyric:<\/strong> “I looked in the mirror today, my eyes just didn’t seem so bright \u2013 I’ve lost a few more hairs, I think I’m going bald<\/em>.” \u00a0<\/p>\n From: The Unforgettable Fire<\/a><\/em> (1984)<\/p>\n The lyric:<\/strong> “Early morning, April 4 \u2013 shot rings out in the Memphis sky<\/em>.” \u00a0<\/p>\n From: L.A. Woman<\/a><\/em> (1971)<\/p>\n The lyric:<\/strong> “There’s a killer on the road, his brain is squirming like a toad<\/em>.” \u00a0<\/p>\n From: The Yes Album<\/a><\/em> (1971)<\/p>\n The lyric:<\/strong> “Don’t surround yourself with yourself<\/em>.” \u00a0<\/p>\n From: Working on a Dream<\/a><\/em> (2009)<\/p>\n The lyric:<\/strong> “Have you ever seen a one-legged dog makin’ his way down the street<\/em>?” \u00a0<\/p>\n From: Tommy<\/a><\/em> (1969)<\/p>\n The lyric:<\/strong> “[He] plays by sense of smell<\/em>.” READ MORE:<\/strong> Revisiting ’70s One-Hit Wonders<\/a> From: Knee Deep in the Hoopla<\/a><\/em> (1985)<\/p>\n The lyric:<\/strong> “Who counts the money, underneath the bar \u2013 who rides the wrecking ball into our guitars?<\/em>“ \u00a0<\/p>\n From: Storm Front<\/a><\/em> (1989)<\/p>\n The lyric:<\/strong> “Rock and Roller, cola wars, I can’t take it anymore<\/em>.” \u00a0<\/p>\n From: Zenyatta Mondatta<\/a><\/em> (1980)<\/p>\n The lyric:<\/strong> “And when their eloquence escapes me \u2013 their logic ties me up and rapes me<\/em>.” \u00a0<\/p>\n From: America<\/em> (1971)<\/p>\n The lyric:<\/strong> “In the desert you can remember your name, for there ain\u2019t no-one for to give you no pain<\/em>.” \u00a0<\/p>\n From: Head Games<\/a><\/em> (1979)<\/p>\n The lyric:<\/strong> “I’m a loner, but I’m never alone<\/em>.” \u00a0<\/p>\n From: Afterburner<\/a><\/em> (1985)<\/p>\n The lyric:<\/strong> “Let’s go out to Egypt ’cause it’s in the plan … we’ll whip out our mattress ’cause there ain’t no beds<\/em>.” \u00a0<\/p>\n From: Fragile<\/a><\/em> (1971)<\/p>\n The lyric:<\/strong> “Mountains come out of the sky \u2013 and they stand there<\/em>.” READ MORE:<\/strong> Final Songs Performed Live by Rock’s Biggest Acts<\/a> From: Escape<\/a><\/em> (1981)<\/p>\n The lyric:<\/strong> “Just a city boy, born and raised in South Detroit<\/em>.” \u00a0<\/p>\n From: 5150<\/a><\/em> (1986)<\/p>\n The lyric:<\/strong> “Only time will tell if we stand the test of time<\/em>.” \u00a0<\/p>\n Over a lengthy career, certain pitfalls also present themselves: Band members leave, songs become one-hit wonders, sounds go out of style. Then you start to hate your own records. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n Gallery Credit: Nick DeRiso<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n The Rock Supergroups You Totally Forgot<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\nNo. 20: Van Halen, “Everybody Wants Some!!”<\/h3>\n
David Lee Roth<\/a> was apparently supposed to sing something that resembled “I’ve seen a lot of people take a ride on a moonbeam<\/em>,” but he forgot the line. Not sure why they left it in.<\/p>\nNo. 19. Poison, “Unskinny Bop”<\/h3>\n
But is there really nothing more to say?<\/p>\nNo. 18. Pink Floyd, “Bike”<\/h3>\n
Believe it or not, Syd Barrett<\/a> soon became an acid casualty<\/a>.<\/p>\nNo. 17. Deep Purple, “Highway Star”<\/h3>\n
Worst Tinder bio ever.<\/p>\nNo. 16. Sammy Hagar, “Your Love Is Driving Me Crazy”<\/h3>\n
Driving us crazy: Cherries (pretty famously<\/a>) grow on trees.<\/p>\nNo. 15. Rush, “I Think I’m Going Bald”<\/h3>\n
Next up, their equally compelling song about flossing.<\/p>\nNo. 14. U2, “Pride (In the Name of Love)”<\/h3>\n
The Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.’s awful murder took place just after 6 p.m<\/a>.<\/p>\nNo. 13. The Doors, “Riders on the Storm”<\/h3>\n
The creator of the Rhyming Dictionary is somewhere openly weeping.<\/p>\nNo. 12. Yes, “Your Move”<\/h3>\n
Wait, what?<\/p>\nNo. 11. Bruce Springsteen, “The Wrestler”<\/h3>\n
Actually, no.<\/p>\nNo. 10. The Who, “Pinball Wizard”<\/h3>\n
Anyone who’s ever been to a musty arcade knows that this would be a particularly dreadful superpower.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\nNo. 9. Starship, “We Built This City”<\/h3>\n
If only.<\/p>\nNo. 8. Billy Joel, “We Didn’t Start the Fire”<\/h3>\n
As this song unfolds, the Nazis commit genocide, John F. Kennedy is murdered, and nuclear annihilation looms. Yet somehow the cola wars<\/a> send him over the edge?<\/p>\nNo. 7. The Police, “De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da”<\/h3>\n
Sting<\/a> has this weird thing where he sneaks really awful things into songs that everybody thinks are sweet.<\/p>\nNo. 6. America, “A Horse With No Name”<\/h3>\n
Choosing wasn’t easy with a song that also notes that “the heat was hot.”<\/p>\nNo. 5. Foreigner, “Dirty White Boy”<\/h3>\n
Then how do you know?<\/p>\nNo. 4. ZZ Top, “Sleeping Bag”<\/h3>\n
Then you won’t need the sleeping bag.<\/p>\nNo. 3. Yes, “Roundabout”<\/h3>\n
Wait, what?<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\nNo. 2. Journey, “Don’t Stop Believin'”<\/h3>\n
To be fair, “Canadian hamlet of Windsor” really doesn’t work.<\/p>\nNo. 1. Van Halen, “Why Can’t This Be Love?”<\/h3>\n
This might have been better written … with more time.<\/p>\nWhy These Classic Rock Acts Hate Their Own Records<\/h2>\n