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In a rare break from federally suspect<\/a> gambling promotion, Drake<\/a> has announced his return to music by erecting a giant ice sculpture in a Toronto car park. After a sporadic and drawn-out campaign of vague<\/a> teasers<\/a> for a new album called Iceman<\/em>, the rarely understated rapper unveiled a stack of frozen bricks at 81 Bond Street yesterday (April 20), promising that the release date is hidden inside. How long it might take the sculpture to melt is a question beyond the ken of the Pitchfork news team. To get to the bottom of the matter, we rushed off some questions to a theoretical quantum physicist at the University of Toronto: one Professor Valentin Cr\u00e9pel.<\/p>\n We expected Professor Cr\u00e9pel to humor us, but he came prepared, calculating an estimate based on the standard size of a parking space in Toronto (citation provided<\/a>) and a comparison to average human height. \u201cIf the structure were fully solid, this would correspond to roughly 350 tons of ice!<\/em>\u201d he enthused.\u00a0\u201cIn practice, the structure is almost certainly partially hollow\u2014either deliberately, or because of voids between stacked blocks\u2014so the true mass is lower. Even so, it is almost certainly above 200 tons.\u201d That equates to roughly 2,000 slot machines, or enough ice to make well over a million Onda Civics<\/a>.<\/p>\n Melting by force would be no simple task. \u201cRoughly 70\u00a0gigajoules\u201d is Professor Cr\u00e9pel\u2019s estimate of the necessary energy\u2014\u201ccomparable to\u00a0the annual energy consumption<\/a> of a Toronto household\u00a0or to the energy released by 15 tons of TNT\u201d (*not a suggestion). Even this, we are warned, \u201cis a\u00a0strict lower bound, obtained from the latent heat of fusion of ice to water.\u201d Here the professor linked<\/a> us to a Wikipedia page for \u201centhalpy of fusion.\u201d We will assume he knows what he\u2019s talking about.<\/p>\n As such, \u201cestimating the melt time for a structure like this is inherently uncertain. It depends on solar exposure, cloud cover, air temperature, wind, rain\u2026\u201d Nonetheless, he conceded, we did not come here to hedge our bets. We came here to separate the three main sources of heat that will affect the sculpture\u2014namely solar radiation, convection of ambient air, and rain\u2014and come out swinging with a \u201creasonable and conservative estimate\u201d that accounts for \u201cuncertainties and inefficiencies.\u201d Science!<\/p>\n The professor thus predicted that the structure will remain for at least two weeks. At this stage of the calculation, however, mere thermodynamics fall short. Anticipation for Drake\u2019s first solo record since 2023\u2019s For All the Dogs<\/a><\/em> (not to mention the ensuing Kendrick Lamar<\/a> feud<\/a>) is such that fans have already taken matters into their own mittens. We sent the professor footage of mischief-makers<\/a> smashing pickaxes against the sculpture and trying to kill it with fire. What followed was a comprehensive guide to arctic vandalism. Flames? \u201cSurprisingly ineffective!\u201d\u00a0They \u201close most of their thermal energy to the surrounding air,\u201d the professor explained. Keep your paltry pocket lighters sheathed, would-be saboteurs. Used for a full minute, they \u201cwould only melt a few grams of ice at best.\u201d<\/p>\n This leaves the small but lethal matter of chipping and breaking.\u00a0\u201cNot only does it directly remove ice by the kilogram,\u201d Cr\u00e9pel writes, \u201cbut it also increases surface roughness, which in turn enhances both solar and convective heat transfer.\u201d A literal chink, that is, in the sculpture\u2019s armor. Might human touch pose a similar threat to the sculpture\u2019s integrity? Insofar as one can in an email, Professor Cr\u00e9pel scoffed. \u201cThermally\u00a0irrelevant.\u201d<\/p>\n Physics, then, suggests the sculpture\u2019s life expectancy is roughly in keeping with Drake\u2019s lengthy Iceman<\/em> rollout, giving him more time to swan around Toronto in his Packers jacket<\/a>. Local police have now cordoned<\/strong><\/a> off the sculpture to prevent more people with literal flamethrowers<\/a> showing up to raise hell. Professor Cr\u00e9pel, meanwhile, continues to operate as a theoretical quantum physicist. His opinions, as far as he knows, do not reflect those of the University of Toronto.<\/p>\n Additional reporting by Nina Corcoran.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n