Ethel Cain has released a lengthy statement apologizing for old posts she made online when she was, by her own admission, trying to be as “inflammatory and controversial as possible.” But in the same document, she also pushed back against the manner in which these old posts and images were dug up and circulated online, describing it as a “massive smear campaign.”
The posts that have resurfaced over the past few days (many of them from Twitter and the now-defunct Q&A platform Curious Cat) date back to around 2017 and 2018, and contain the kind of edgelord bait characteristic of that era. Per screenshots, an account belonging to Cain (real name Hayden Anhedönia) admitted to using the n-word; responded to a post about mocking Hispanic people with “build that wall”; and made rape jokes and fat-shaming comments.
In her statement, Anhedönia began by stating plainly, “That was my account and those were my words. I was 19 and I was entirely aware of what I was saying and that was why I said it.”
She went on to explain that she spent much of her high school years “being extremely progressive and ‘SJW’ [social justice warrior]” as a way to “reject the indoctrination of my environment and rebel against the prejudice, hatred, and ignorance of the culture I grew up in.” After moving out of her parents’ house, though, Anhedönia said she “flip-flopped” and rejected “all notions of my former ‘cringe SJW’ behavior and intended to be as inflammatory and controversial as possible. I would have said (and usually did say) anything, about anyone, to gain attention and ultimately just make my friends laugh.”
Anhedönia continued: “I could tell you that I had no idea at the time the platform I would have in the future, or tell you I just have a dry and extremely sarcastic sense of humor, or make any other kind of excuse, but there’s no place for excuses in this matter. At the end of the day I am white, so while I can take accountability for my actions, there’s no way for me to fully understand the way it feels to be on the receiving end of them. All I can say is that I am truly sorry from the bottom of my heart, to anyone who read it then and to anyone reading it now. Any way you feel about me moving forward is valid.”
Anhedönia said she now looked at this chapter of her life “shamefully,” adding, “As I move forward through my life, I aim to use my platform for good, for change, and for progress. I believe it’s important to atone not through words alone, but through actions.”
But Anhedönia also pushed back against the way these old posts were dredged up, claiming the screenshots were “obtained through extensive digging, hacking, and cooperative effort amongst a group of individuals who do not care who else is hurt by witnessing this media as long as I am ultimately hurt the worst in the end.”
Along with all the old posts, Anhedönia said some of her personal accounts had been hacked (including her Spotify page), her family had been “doxxed and harassed,” and photos of her as a kid and “intimate details of my past have been passed around for fun.”
“I urge you to recognize the patterns of a transphobic/otherwise targeted smear campaign, especially in this political day and age,” she wrote near the end of her statement. “This information was hoarded until the perfect moment arose to unleash it.”
Anhedönia added: “I am responsible for my actions and taking accountability for the mistakes I have made in the past, but everything beyond that is brutal slander, targeted harassment, and in the words of my own attackers, bullying with the end goal of me killing myself. My team and I are taking this matter seriously and are pursuing legal recourse under the fullest extent of the law.”
While Anhedönia was largely contrite in her statement, there were several specific images and accusations that she addressed directly. These included a photo of her in a homemade T-shirt emblazoned with “LEGALIZE INCEST’: a drawing she made that some have referred to as child pornography; a photo of her that some have claimed is evidence of sexual abuse towards animals; her mock-up of an Ethel Cain missing poster for her album Preacher’s Daughter based on a real missing poster made for a nine-year-old girl who was abducted and murdered; and claims of misogyny and “fetishization of the female experience.”
Anhedönia’s responses to those allegations are printed in full below.
1. Regarding the topic of incest in my artwork, it’s a layered experience. I have always been interested in creating art centered around the taboo. Much like all the other topics explored in my work, it was just another part of human nature I wrote about it. However, with specific instances such as my hand drawn t-shirt (which was a ridiculous item I made in my bedroom that was never intended to be and never has been any kind of merch distributed to other people, just to clear that one up), at the time I was still of a somewhat inflammatory mindset and fully made that t-shirt to be a crude joke to garner attention. I had even been labeled “incest girl” on Twitter in that time period, I suppose because the people I surrounded myself with knew I was a white girl from the bible belt, and that was their joke that I leaned into. As an artist with a fanbase comprised of many victims of sexual/emotional abuse of an incestuous nature who find comfort in my music because of it, I understand how painful this could be. I apologize deeply if my actions have caused you any further grief and if I have let you down. I do want to be clear, however, that I have never fetishized it. Rather, as a lonely and confused child I had my own complicated personal struggles with the concept during puberty (in a hypothetical manner, not involving anyone in my actual family). I have since untangled these feelings and I now understand their root. While sometimes the topic of incest may get intermingled on a song with my own experiences of sexual abuse or my own familial traumas, I have never and would never fetishize such a sensitive subject. All of these topics I’m going to discuss have carried the brand of “fetish” as this is a common talking point for the transphobic brigade of individuals attacking me.
2. Regarding the topic of drawn child pornography, based off of one drawing I made at 19 years old. I am going to be brief about this because this is quite possibly one of the most serious offenses I can fathom. I had three individual characters that I drew often from the ages of 18-20, each character being a different age in that bracket. The character of Teddy, who was 19, was a hypersexual character born out of my own struggles with sexual trauma and assault. At the time of that drawing, I had just been raped by a man twice my age weeks before. The way I processed this was the opposite way I thought rape victims were supposed to behave, as I leaned into sadomasochism and became fixated on the event and thought that somehow sexualizing it in a way I could control or desire would make it more bearable, as though I wanted it. This was reflected in my artwork. All other details aside, the character was the same age I was and had the same extremely slender body type I had at the time. I utilized a more cartoonish-hybrid style for my characters occasionally as was the norm for artwork in my scene on the internet around that time, but the character was still of the same legal age I was and that has always been the case. I will not be discussing this topic again.
3. Regarding the topic of sexual abuse towards animals, because yes that is somehow also an accusation against me. I was at a Fourth of July party out in the sticks at a friend’s house and the majority of us were topless because we could be. My friend’s dog hopped in the truck with me and I messed with him by putting him in a headlock for a few seconds while a friend took a picture. My bare breast was squished against his face for all of two seconds. I can’t believe I’m even addressing this.
4. Regarding the missing poster included in the promotional materials of Preacher’s Daughter. I made that poster at 3am in a rush and was googling “1990s missing poster” looking for any kind of template to use that would seem period accurate for the character. I picked that one out of all the search results because it was in the yellowish color palette and had a font/visual language that I thought would match the other visuals for the album. I absolutely should have done my research on the poster I chose, and I understand how this could be hurtful and damaging to the family of that child. I insist that this was nowhere close to my intention by using it. Hindsight is 20/20 and I would not be so careless in that regard again. However, the accusations of me fetishizing the kidnapping and murder of a child are beyond egregious and ridiculous.
5. Regarding the topic of misogyny and “fetishization of the female experience”. Cis women are not the only people capable of being victims of sexual assault. They are not the only people capable of being abused, kidnapped, or murdered. To posture that I have never been harmed in my life as a child or an adult trans woman, or that fearing the very real possibility of being harmed again, kidnapped, or killed as a trans woman is somehow a “fetish”, is entirely willfully ignorant and hateful. No one knows what I have been through in my personal life, and I feel zero need to share it with the world because it’s no one’s business but mine. You can debate the ethics of artistic expression until you’re blue in the face but you cannot tell me what I have experienced and how to process that because you simply were not there and you do not know me. Preacher’s Daughter is a deeply personal story to me, born from my traumas and deepest fears. If it reads as a fetish to you, then that is your problem and not mine.
