One of the last men to see John Lennon alive admits he carried “terrible guilt” following the Beatle’s assassination.
On Dec. 8, 1980, the rock icon was shot and killed by a deranged fan outside of his New York home. Hours earlier, Lennon had been at famed recording studio the Record Plant, working on the song “Walking on Thin Ice.” Producer Jack Douglas, who had also helmed the then-recently released Double Fantasy album, was in charge of the session.
During a recent appearance on the Magnificent Others with Billy Corgan podcast, Douglas recalled the trauma he faced following Lennon’s murder.
‘John Would Be Alive’
“I didn’t want to go out of the house. It was terrible. And I felt this terrible guilt because very often I went home with him and I didn’t because I had another session after,” he admitted. “And so, I played it over and over and over.”
Douglas couldn’t help but think that things would have gone differently if he’d accompanied Lennon that night.
“I would have been in the car, I would have seen the guy, I would have tackled him, John would be alive,” the producer explained. “So, that played over and over and over.”
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Douglas’ guilt was compounded by endless requests from the press.
“Suddenly everyone wanted a magazine article, everyone wanted a book, everyone wanted this, everyone wanted that,” he recalled. “I wanted absolutely nothing to do with it. And so I started hiding out and then taking pills so that I could just stay in the house.”
The loss of his longtime friend and collaborator sent Douglas spiraling into addiction. “I was out of control,” he confessed, adding that his career “stopped altogether.”
John Lennon Still Appears in Jack Douglas’ Dreams
The producer eventually went to rehab and was able to get his life back on track. He reported he’s been sober over 30 years now and is grateful he was able to eventually move on. Still, Lennon is never far from his thoughts.
“[Lennon] comes to me often in a dream,” Douglas admitted. “It could be in different places. Could be the studio… He talks to me. He liked to talk to me. He liked to tell me that I didn’t know anything. He’d say, ‘For a bright guy, Jack, you don’t know anything.”
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Gallery Credit: Michael Gallucci
