John Fogerty recalled the moment his mental health was so bad that he couldn’t bring himself to buy socks in a store.
The Creedence Clearwater Revival icon explained that he’d struggled to deal with the pressures of success in his 20s. The band had signed a restrictive, exacting record deal that paid them very little.
Fogerty also struggled with the perception that he had to push himself to achieve greatness. “The best way I can describe it is I was imprisoned wrongfully and sent away to the penitentiary for many, many years,” Fogerty told the Guardian in a new interview.
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He continued: “For every song I wrote I threw 10 away. When you heard one of my songs, I wanted there to be no doubt it was a really good song. It sounds grandiose to say it, but I was trying to have that as my career goal.”
CCR also struggled with interpersonal issues that forced a split in 1972. Fogerty never reconnected with bandmate and brother Tom, who died in 1990. Looking back, the songwriter said: “I never really thought I had a nervous breakdown, but I would say I was not well.
“Not stable, or even-keeled, or normal. It would manifest itself in strange ways: I remember going into a department store to buy some socks, and I was unable to approach the salesperson because it was far too complicated for me.”
He added: “I tried to be nice. I tried to be humble, but there were times when I would explode. That could come out if I was near people, or even if I was quite alone. It happened a few times when I was alone in the wilderness, fishing, and I’d just go off into a rage about my gear.”
John Fogerty Wouldn’t Go Back to His Youth, Even For One Day
With the benefit of time, therapy and finding love with his wife Julie, Fogerty said he was in much better shape. Asked if he’d prefer never to have become a successful musician, he replied: “I like to hope that being a history teacher – if I found my partner and had this wonderful life I have found – would have made me very happy.”
But he offered a second answer too. “I [recently] had this conversation in my mind: ‘John, would you trade places and be that 24-year-old who was so confused and unhappy and scratching his head trying to figure out life? … Or would you be the person you are now at 80?’
“And my answer was – and it’ll always be – I want to be the guy I am here, now; even though I’m 80. That poor young man had youth, for sure, but he was so confused about what was going on with his gift.
“I wouldn’t want to live even one day like that. I prefer being really happy, very settled, completely in love with my wife, Julie, having raised great kids. It’s a sense of being that’s irreplaceable.”
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Gallery Credit: Bryan Wawzenek
